Today is Valentine’s Day…

And let’s face it… either you love it or you hate it!  There really is no in between.

There were a few Valentine’s Days that I just flat out HATED. Some were in my twenties and a few more in my early thirties.  I had always associated Valentine’s Day with romantic love.  So, if I didn’t have a man, or if my man (at the time) and I were experiencing rough patches, I totally dreaded Valentine’s Day.  I wanted to get the roses and candy and sappy greeting cards.  I wanted the candlelit dinner and champagne toast and weekend getaway.  All the stuff my girlfriends (and what felt like the rest of the world) were getting from their guys.

Even though I hated Valentine’s Day when I didn’t have a man, there was one thing I did love and appreciate. My daddy would always show love to his “baby girl” by giving me a little box of chocolates every year (Godiva if he was in a generous mood, but usually Whitman’s or Russell Stover…LOL!).  But during those times when I dreaded Valentine’s Day, I would have preferred that “my man” had given me those chocolates.  Not realizing that my dad’s chocolates would end in 2013.  😦

I let one (commercialized) day of the year get me in such a funk. I placed all my focus on not having a man.  But even though I wasn’t in a relationship, most other days were a breeze.   And I would usually rebound pretty well on February 15.  LOL!  So, one Valentine’s Day when I was a very single woman a few years back, this question came to mind… Why was I allowing one day of the year, a mere 24 hours, to get me so down?  Some days just totally flew by and I didn’t even realize the date on the calendar.  Why was Valentine’s Day so different?  Why did this day drain so much of my joy just because I didn’t have a man or the type of relationship I desired?  And then the answer came to me driving home from work… I was ALLOWING myself to feel this way!  IT. WAS. THAT. SIMPLE!!!  I wasn’t unhappy with life on February 13 or February 15.  But on February 14, I threw myself a pity party.  “Woe is me because I don’t have a man on Valentine’s Day!  Blah blah blah!”  I let my relationship status dictate my happiness, even though I was at a point where I was content in my singleness.

Well, I do give Beyonce (SN: love her) a little credit because her song “Love On Top” was playing on the radio when I had this epiphany. LOL!  I cranked up the volume and said to myself… Why am I relying on someone else to put my love on top on Valentine’s Day?  If “he” didn’t love me the day before or the day after, then I don’t need (or really want) someone to just “love” me for the sake of what today is.  I can put my own love on top!  🙂

The few years which followed of me being single on Valentine’s Day were days I celebrated. I ate good food, had a glass of wine, ate the little box of chocolates my daddy would give me… and I blasted “Love On Top”!!!

So, even though I am now blessed with a fiance (yay!), I still plan on blasting “Love On Top” today and for years to come. It reminds me to never waste another Valentine’s Day feeling blue because of what isn’t in my life, but to celebrate and focus on all the love I do have in my life.

This blog site is my reflection on years past and a journey to year 40 (10 months & counting now). One lesson my thirties taught me is to always celebrate all the love in my life on Valentine’s Day.  Marriage and relationships are beautiful, but so is singleness.  Never allow our culture to dictate your value or happiness based on your relationship status.  I don’t believe in cupid… I TRUST IN GOD!!!  A lesson I had to learn before true love could come into my life and before I could be ready to become a wife (that kinda rhymed…LOL!).  A lesson I hope to one day teach my daughter.

So, if you’re feeling down today… I guarantee Beyonce’s “Love On Top” will put you in a better mood. 🙂  Crank the volume up and dance like no one is watching.  Put your love (for yourself) on top!!!

Happy LOVE Day friends! If no one else told you today… I love you!!! ♥♥♥  Until next time…

XOXO,

Donna

 

 

 

 

 

 

One week ago today, I turned 39… Wow… 39!!!  Y’all, just give me a minute to let that sink in…

 

 

Okay… I think I’m ready now…

*takes a deep breath*…

Here goes…

On my birthday, I decided I wanted to do something “different.”  Not different as in go somewhere different, or eat something different, or enjoy something different. This year, I wanted to think beyond the activities of just that day. That’s really been my story for these last 38 years… I would plan something just for the day to celebrate.  But this year, I wanted to do “different” in a new way.  I wanted to do something that would take me on a journey of self discovery for my entire 39th year.  Sooooooo… there you have it… that’s how I came to the decision to create this blog.

This forum is not just me sharing my thoughts with you… it’s also me reflecting and learning more about myself. Putting it all down in black & white for me (and the world, but more importantly ME) to see.  So, welcome to Donna’s Diary!!!  🙂  My own little special place of peace, love, and reflection.  My place of “deep breaths.”  Prayfully, this will be a calming sanctuary for me (and maybe you too).  So, I hope you will join me on my journey of discovery throughout my last year in my thirties leading right up to the big 4-0.

Since my very first blog is about me turning a year older, I was tempted to do the cliché birthday post of how life has turned out a lot different that I had once planned. You know the whole… I thought I would be married, with 2.5 kids, white picket fence, dog in the backyard, the perfect job, no family drama, no friend issues, still a size 3… yadda yadda yadda. But nope, this ain’t that type of birthday blog.  I think if you’ve lived a little, you already know that life usually doesn’t turn out as perfect as you had imagined it would when you were 8. LOL!  Life is complicated… full of ups and downs, good and bad, gains and losses, etc., etc.

Nope… Life damn sure ain’t perfect, but I’ve realized that “perfect” is boring!!!  So in my 39th year… I’m throwing “perfect” out the window.  I’m focusing on being 100% true to myself and walking (well, I’d much rather be skipping) in my truth.  🙂

What I’ve come to realize is that if I want to live a meaningful life, I need to be authentic and bold in my words and actions, without fear of judgment or failure.  This blog is a small first step of overcoming the boundaries I place on myself.  While preparing to start this blog, my mind kept telling me…

no one wants to read your personal, boring stories…

you know nothing about starting a blog or website…

you need to make this page look more aesthetically pleasing before sharing it with the world…

it’s not fancy like other blogs…

you’ll feel like a failure if no one views your posts…

BUT, I decided to HUSH up my brain (or better yet, start training it to think differently) and just decided… WHAT THE HELL!!!  I’m going to JUST DO IT!!!  So what it’s not perfect… (Epiphany: Remember Donna… you’re throwing “perfect” out the window in this your 39th year!)  My blog (like me) is a work-in-progress!  As I venture more and more into personal blogging, I’m confident that it will all start coming together.  But much more important than how it looks or sounds, I hope my words and transparency will encourage both myself and others.

 

Thanks for listening friends! XOXO

~Donna